I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
