Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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