i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
