i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
