Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
