I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
