This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
