my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
