i just wanna soil my oats bro
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Randomize
