i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
