If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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