She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
