please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
