There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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