I'd wear matching sweaters with you
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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