Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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