This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
