Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(206): View more from Washington

I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner

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(206): I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner http://tfl.nu/6elk

Replies (2) Good night (2831) Bad night (624)
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(815): View more from Illinois

yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything

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(815): yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything http://tfl.nu/8gpe

Replies (14) Good night (4368) Bad night (837)
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(416): View more from Ontario

Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.

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(416): Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat. http://tfl.nu/ucz3

Replies (47) Good night (887) Bad night (6872)
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(515): View more from Iowa

...there is blood under my fingernails.

(515): View more from Iowa

...I hope my roomates are okay.

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(515): ...there is blood under my fingernails. (515): ...I hope my roomates are okay. http://tfl.nu/jgvb

Replies (7) Good night (1030) Bad night (3387)
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(304): View more from West Virginia

what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?

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(304): what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea? http://tfl.nu/0ytw

Replies (9) Good night (1330) Bad night (4710)
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(419): View more from Ohio

i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.

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(419): i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover. http://tfl.nu/0t27

Replies (26) Good night (973) Bad night (4773)
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(573): View more from Missouri

just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.

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(573): just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist. http://tfl.nu/hmuv

Replies (37) Good night (8336) Bad night (1090)
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(713): View more from Texas

she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..

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(713): she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding.. http://tfl.nu/h93z

Replies (16) Good night (1577) Bad night (5607)
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(504): View more from Louisiana

I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.

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(504): I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation. http://tfl.nu/5z11

Replies (22) Good night (1535) Bad night (5458)
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(206): View more from Washington

Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.

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(206): Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU. http://tfl.nu/drhd

Replies (6) Good night (1214) Bad night (2946)
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(614): View more from Ohio

Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.

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(614): Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok. http://tfl.nu/bya3

Replies (6) Good night (1720) Bad night (801)
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(908): View more from New Jersey

My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.

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(908): My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes. http://tfl.nu/8gcz

Replies (11) Good night (1859) Bad night (704)
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(563): View more from Iowa

Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.

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(563): Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory. http://tfl.nu/lh6g

Replies (5) Good night (1512) Bad night (508)
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(865): View more from Tennessee

I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole

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(865): I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole http://tfl.nu/7gdi

Replies (8) Good night (598) Bad night (1047)
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(307): View more from Wyoming

Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.

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(307): Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry. http://tfl.nu/ia83

Replies (1) Good night (507) Bad night (302)

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