I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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