My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.