Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
