I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.