Are we in a gay sports bar?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
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