god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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