I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
