The maid of honor just puked.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
