Tell her she can't have a vagina
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
two words...techno handjob
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Never let your siblings swipe right.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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