You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
