He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
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he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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