that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
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