defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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