i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
