I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
