i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Farmville is her only friend.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
