So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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