Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
home. puking in laundry basket.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
