i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
