and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
