i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
