how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
