just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
