She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
