i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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