You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
