sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
