Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
