rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
is that a dick in a sweater?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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