I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
