Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
