I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I have fence marks all over my body
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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