i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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