I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
