Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
