David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
