where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
