last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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