so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
