Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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