Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
drinking out of a sandbucket again
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
