I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
