My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
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