there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
