Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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