I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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