i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
