His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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