oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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