How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
