her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
