why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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