Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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