We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
