Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
