Banned from zoo.
Again?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
