so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.