he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf