i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.