im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.