you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
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The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet