I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
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fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
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I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.