You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I can't trust your balls anymore.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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