She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
