your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
