i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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