they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
