Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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