I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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