put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
