I should be sponsored by Trojan
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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