You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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