just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
