i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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