so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
