I have demons in me.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
